this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
