We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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