I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
