all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
