hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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