We won't sleep together?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
