so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
