Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
