Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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