Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
