yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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