I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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