went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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