YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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