Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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