I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
