I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
