Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
