college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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