I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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