saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
