The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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