Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
