from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
