just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
