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Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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