i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
