Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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