I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
