i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
