I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
