my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
