just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
