instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
