Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
