State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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