hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
