While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
