Me too!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
