remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She's the barista slut.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Randomize
