Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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