the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
