i may or may not be watching the land before time
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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