I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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