if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
