is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
