I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
