Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
