i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I need water and some morals
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