ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
