so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
