I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
