Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
