put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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