I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
