JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
