So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
