btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
