you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
