sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
